10 Steps to Build Your “Muscle of Confidence”

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“Confidence is a muscle that grows in direct proportion to its use.”

Like any muscle, the use of (or practice) must be executed in consistent, spaced intervals over time. The same way we learned our multiplication tables. We didn’t practice on Mondays only. We did it every day until it became a habit. The ability to answer even to this day, what is seven times six is based on pure faith. It is so true no one could ever convince us the number wasn’t forty-two.

It’s the same way we train for a race or to be a concert pianist. It takes consistent practice (use) in spaced intervals over time. Not just Mondays. It’s the same way we learn to crawl, then walk. All in consistent and spaced intervals over time.

My grandson at 18 months was determined to get down two stairs into the playroom where his three older girl cousins were playing. Each week when the family came to my home for dinner he spent most of his time trying to get down those stairs. First he landed on his face multiple  times at the bottom of the stairs with lots of crying. So the next week we closed the door. He didn’t like that. The next week he blew past everyone and made a beeline to that door.

We opened it and turned him around on his tummy so he could slide down. He stood up and went down head first a few more times. The next week we let him walk down, gripping the back of his shirt so he would fall face first. Finally he made it down those stairs, holding the rail, all by himself!

He had a plan. He was willing. In fact he had to get down those stairs. Period. He was persistent. He was disciplined. And when he did it finally, he went up and down those two stairs a dozen more times without stopping. He achieved after practicing consistently week after week, until he could do it. The smile on his face reflected his ‘supreme confidence’ in navigating those stairs. He never fell head first again.

If you accept this premise for consideration that confidence is indeed a muscle that grows in direct proportion to its use, your first question may be “what is it that I must DO to consistently flex or exercise this ‘muscle of confidence’?” A good question. When we know what to do we can actually take action and do it. If of course we are willing.

The answer is simple. Achieve what you want in consistent spaced intervals over time. My grandson did. Every time we plan to achieve something we want, and then achieve it, and recognize that we have achieved it, we flex again our muscle of confidence. Confidence requires achievement by consistent practice to feed this muscle.

Note the word ‘plan’ above. Haphazard achievement (things you want that show up that you did not specifically plan) is not the kind of achievement that builds our muscle of confidence. It’s nice to have of course, yet not part of the process. It is in the specific planning, achievement, then acknowledging that achievement that is the process to flex and grow this muscle of confidence.

The best part of all of this that the size of achievement of what you want has no value. That’s right. It can be a big thing or a small thing; what matters is that you planned it, you did it, and you stopped a moment to recognize it.  If the size has no value, what is the next logical conclusion, you may be thinking.

Why doesn’t the size of the task  have value? Based on the Law of Relativity (universal law) nothing has any value until we compare it to something else. Or compare ourselves and our achievements with those of someone else! Our achievements, regardless of size have nothing to do with another’s achievements. Our confidence is unique to us and grows at the pace we set.

Next up … how do I get achievement ‘into’ my schedule several times a week? Another good question.

It’s also simple. But first, you must set a specific goal, let’s say for 90 days, and determine what you have to do each week to reach that goal (without leaving it to the end and painting yourself into a corner). What you have to do are the tasks that will move you toward your goal.

A point here is that we are never taught the benchmarks of achievement in school. The result is reaching goals haphazardly and by no means consistently over time. If you take a look at the January health club phenomenon … you know it … January you can’t get a machine and are tapping your foot waiting. February there are machines and people on either side of you to get to know. March everyone’s gone … until next January that is when they start the same goal over again.

If you set your goal based on the benchmarks below, you will not only have your best shot at achieving them (what you want), and, the tasks to reach it each week serve as muscle flexors for your muscle of confidence. With every task complete, you stop and say to yourself, wow, I did it, and … I was really good at it.

Call it a calf raise in your confidence.  You do it every day, not once in a while.

Ten Steps for setting and best shot at achievement include:

  1. Pick a goal that you want, not something you need.
  2. Your goal must motivate you into action.
  3. Choose a specific date by when you will achieve it.
  4. Be thrilled when you think about it … and sometimes scared too.
  5. You know the first few steps, but do not know all the steps to achieve it.
  6. Don’t tell others until you see signs that what you want is on its way to you.
  7. Determine how much money you need to achieve it.
  8. You don’t need $.10 to start your goal.
  9. Write down your goals.
  10. Start now, regardless of circumstances.

So there is a little learning to do to build your muscle of confidence. Learning is our ‘miracle grow’ … that is humans are happiest when we are learning! We grow in awareness as to our true and infinite potential. We can be do or have whatever we want as long as we don’t violate the rights of others.

The ability to manage our own schedule is likely the biggest challenge my clients have faced until that is I figured out why typical calendar programs do not work. They do not work because we often give up one of our personal calendar items (date night, movie night, etc.) for a client.

This is in direct conflict with the Law of Sacrifice which states we must give up something of lesser value to make room for something of greater value. When we give up personal time, that is actually giving up greater value and replacing it with something of lesser value. If we do this enough, we begin to build a feeling of growing resentment toward our business.

I have created this program Task Crusher: Your Visual Guide to Getting More Done in Less Time! so as you grow your muscle of confidence to be, do and have what you absolutely deserve, you are also feeling happy, healthy and wealthy in all ways.  Ask me about getting a copy for yourself by clicking here.

This article was written for November issue of womELLE Magazine.



The Mystery Behind Limiting Beliefs … is No Mystery

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limiting beliefs

You may already know that our beliefs inspire or limit us … reside in our subconscious mind. Our subconscious mind is not a place, but an activity — present in each and every cell of our body. So beliefs are invisible to the naked eye. Limiting beliefs are ‘clusters of habits’ that operate automatically. If someone says, “this is a bad economy” and our first thought is “yeh, it sure is,” the habit or limiting belief responded automatically, rather than our saying it to ourselves consciously. We could ask in response to the statement, “how do you know that is true,” as example. Questioning, rather than automatically accepting information is how we create new habits that serve us well.

As spiritual beings connected to all living things via shared subconscious energy, we each are born in perfect harmony with the Universe and our Creator. Limiting beliefs of those important figures in our life become our own, particularly before the age of reason (about 6) as we have no ‘conscious mind’ to accept or reject information. The subconscious mind, however cannot reject what it already accepted … and remember it’s also invisible. What a conundrum. If we could see and evaluate our beliefs and then kick them out, wouldn’t life be so much better?

A family passes down their limiting beliefs by repeatedly discussing those beliefs in the presence of a child over time. A family that believes dancing, as example, is a no-no — they don’t dance, they discuss how the family never has danced, they don’t mingle with ‘dancers,’ why they don’t dance, what’s wrong with those who do dance, etc., and talk about it repeatedly over a period of time, the child now has that limiting belief! An unsolicited gift, if you will, from those who love us and are quite unaware of the less than optimum influence this information has on our life. The child now believes dancing is on the do-not list. Note: When I first moved to North Carolina in the early 70’s, I was surprised to note that beliefs about social norms changed from town to town about smoking (we grow tobacco here), dancing, hems of dresses, etc.

Limiting beliefs create a barricade that blocks access to the perfect harmony we knew as toddlers, and it blocks our intuition. We want to get back to feeling and acting on our intuition, moving to shut down our limiting beliefs by creating new, positive ones, that will ultimately have us realize our limitless potential!

limiting beliefsWhen my third granddaughter Julia was two, she spent a night with me Christmas week. She made herself abundantly clear about what she wanted to do with Nana … and would have no other answer but YES (unless perhaps I offered a new agreement that satisfied her desire for whatever it was she wanted). She knew no limits as to what was possible for her! She would not move on to another task until this one was settled to her satisfaction. She had limitless potential and acted like she was 12 feet tall! Without the belief that you can’t … you absolutely can.

What would our lives be like if we could have beliefs that support our desire to serve? If we gave up HOW we are going to do a thing and only considered WHY we WANT to do it?

Julia wanted it because JULIA WANTED IT, and for no other reason. You will be happy to know that it is not a difficult process to create new beliefs that supersede the old limiting ones. That is what my work is all about. You must however not only WANT to create new beliefs, you must be WILLING to do what it takes. There is a difference.

If one point of this blog resonates with you, then my job is done! You see, at birth you already knew everything there was to know. Now this point may well be the spark that ignites your life, smoldering now … and just about ready to CATCH FIRE!

For 18 consecutive quarters (since October 2013), women small business owners, entrepreneurs, and corporate directors in business have been exceeding all expectations, crushing the wage gap, and enjoying success as an everyday occurrence. Q4 Women’s Teaching Mastermind Starts Tuesday October 3rd at 7:30 pm (EDT). Contact me at www.Leslie-Flowers.com