10 Steps to Build Your “Muscle of Confidence”

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“Confidence is a muscle that grows in direct proportion to its use.”

Like any muscle, the use of (or practice) must be executed in consistent, spaced intervals over time. The same way we learned our multiplication tables. We didn’t practice on Mondays only. We did it every day until it became a habit. The ability to answer even to this day, what is seven times six is based on pure faith. It is so true no one could ever convince us the number wasn’t forty-two.

It’s the same way we train for a race or to be a concert pianist. It takes consistent practice (use) in spaced intervals over time. Not just Mondays. It’s the same way we learn to crawl, then walk. All in consistent and spaced intervals over time.

My grandson at 18 months was determined to get down two stairs into the playroom where his three older girl cousins were playing. Each week when the family came to my home for dinner he spent most of his time trying to get down those stairs. First he landed on his face multiple  times at the bottom of the stairs with lots of crying. So the next week we closed the door. He didn’t like that. The next week he blew past everyone and made a beeline to that door.

We opened it and turned him around on his tummy so he could slide down. He stood up and went down head first a few more times. The next week we let him walk down, gripping the back of his shirt so he would fall face first. Finally he made it down those stairs, holding the rail, all by himself!

He had a plan. He was willing. In fact he had to get down those stairs. Period. He was persistent. He was disciplined. And when he did it finally, he went up and down those two stairs a dozen more times without stopping. He achieved after practicing consistently week after week, until he could do it. The smile on his face reflected his ‘supreme confidence’ in navigating those stairs. He never fell head first again.

If you accept this premise for consideration that confidence is indeed a muscle that grows in direct proportion to its use, your first question may be “what is it that I must DO to consistently flex or exercise this ‘muscle of confidence’?” A good question. When we know what to do we can actually take action and do it. If of course we are willing.

The answer is simple. Achieve what you want in consistent spaced intervals over time. My grandson did. Every time we plan to achieve something we want, and then achieve it, and recognize that we have achieved it, we flex again our muscle of confidence. Confidence requires achievement by consistent practice to feed this muscle.

Note the word ‘plan’ above. Haphazard achievement (things you want that show up that you did not specifically plan) is not the kind of achievement that builds our muscle of confidence. It’s nice to have of course, yet not part of the process. It is in the specific planning, achievement, then acknowledging that achievement that is the process to flex and grow this muscle of confidence.

The best part of all of this that the size of achievement of what you want has no value. That’s right. It can be a big thing or a small thing; what matters is that you planned it, you did it, and you stopped a moment to recognize it.  If the size has no value, what is the next logical conclusion, you may be thinking.

Why doesn’t the size of the task  have value? Based on the Law of Relativity (universal law) nothing has any value until we compare it to something else. Or compare ourselves and our achievements with those of someone else! Our achievements, regardless of size have nothing to do with another’s achievements. Our confidence is unique to us and grows at the pace we set.

Next up … how do I get achievement ‘into’ my schedule several times a week? Another good question.

It’s also simple. But first, you must set a specific goal, let’s say for 90 days, and determine what you have to do each week to reach that goal (without leaving it to the end and painting yourself into a corner). What you have to do are the tasks that will move you toward your goal.

A point here is that we are never taught the benchmarks of achievement in school. The result is reaching goals haphazardly and by no means consistently over time. If you take a look at the January health club phenomenon … you know it … January you can’t get a machine and are tapping your foot waiting. February there are machines and people on either side of you to get to know. March everyone’s gone … until next January that is when they start the same goal over again.

If you set your goal based on the benchmarks below, you will not only have your best shot at achieving them (what you want), and, the tasks to reach it each week serve as muscle flexors for your muscle of confidence. With every task complete, you stop and say to yourself, wow, I did it, and … I was really good at it.

Call it a calf raise in your confidence.  You do it every day, not once in a while.

Ten Steps for setting and best shot at achievement include:

  1. Pick a goal that you want, not something you need.
  2. Your goal must motivate you into action.
  3. Choose a specific date by when you will achieve it.
  4. Be thrilled when you think about it … and sometimes scared too.
  5. You know the first few steps, but do not know all the steps to achieve it.
  6. Don’t tell others until you see signs that what you want is on its way to you.
  7. Determine how much money you need to achieve it.
  8. You don’t need $.10 to start your goal.
  9. Write down your goals.
  10. Start now, regardless of circumstances.

So there is a little learning to do to build your muscle of confidence. Learning is our ‘miracle grow’ … that is humans are happiest when we are learning! We grow in awareness as to our true and infinite potential. We can be do or have whatever we want as long as we don’t violate the rights of others.

The ability to manage our own schedule is likely the biggest challenge my clients have faced until that is I figured out why typical calendar programs do not work. They do not work because we often give up one of our personal calendar items (date night, movie night, etc.) for a client.

This is in direct conflict with the Law of Sacrifice which states we must give up something of lesser value to make room for something of greater value. When we give up personal time, that is actually giving up greater value and replacing it with something of lesser value. If we do this enough, we begin to build a feeling of growing resentment toward our business.

I have created this program Task Crusher: Your Visual Guide to Getting More Done in Less Time! so as you grow your muscle of confidence to be, do and have what you absolutely deserve, you are also feeling happy, healthy and wealthy in all ways.  Ask me about getting a copy for yourself by clicking here.

This article was written for November issue of womELLE Magazine.



Learning is the ‘Miracle Grow’ for our Mind

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“To Use or Not to Use the SMART Goal Model for Achievement,”
that is the question.

According to recent statistics, by now, almost everyone who started the New Year with a goal or resolution to make a positive change in their life, has lost steam and given up.

And giving up on our goals hurts us by preventing us from living the life we want and deserve. Setting and giving up on goals year after year (estimated 95% of us do this), diminishes our ‘muscle of confidence;’ confidence in ourselves, and confidence in the magic of our universe and its vast and secret laws, that allow us to influence how often we succeed in getting what we want.

“Confidence is a muscle that grows in direct proportion to its use.”

The truth is … when I ask seminar participants if they ever took a class on setting and achieving goals, barely a fraction raise their hand.

Not knowing how to achieve what we want consistently undermines our confidence as women, not only in our own ability to achieve our desires, but also our deserve-ability around having them.

What most of us DO know at least something about setting goals is centered on SMART goals. This old, misused model is great for daily or weekly tasks to reach the goal; however, it quickly and effectively flushes the life out of your big dream in record time.

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-Bound. Specific, Measurable and Time-Bound, absolutely YES for big dreams and goals. Achievable and Realistic, however, are in direct conflict with the timeless, tried-and-true principles of achieving big goals and dreams consistently, over time.

While SMART goals serve as a poor model for setting big goals and dreams, we can learn from knowing how the model undermines achievement. The list below derived from the best and worst of this model, allows us to set and reach goals consistently, over time, thereby building our ‘muscle of confidence’ and getting to the life we want.

  1. Your goal must be clear and specific.
  2. You must be able to measure your results.
  3. You select an exact date by which you will achieve it.
  4. You don’t know all the steps to do it.
  5. It has to be big enough to keep you motivated.

Yes, there are more pillars. For now, this will launch you into finally setting goals that you will achieve! We are happiest when we are learning. Start today setting goals with these benchmarks and gain the confidence to have your “best shot at success!”

If this message resonates with you … come join a group of women on the Facebook Group One Woman’s Voice. We want to hear from you!

Top Three Reasons for the Lack of Trust Among Women in Business

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“When we get new information, we immediately and naturally change our perspective!

First … THE PATTERN. Nod your head yes if you’ve been here.

1. You are an entrepreneur or small business owner, or you are in corporate and you also have a side business.

2. You are new in town, or you are starting a new business.

3. You search for, have found, or are already in a women’s group.

4. You invest financially.

5. You invest your time; have one on ones and meetings each week.

6. Time goes by (the amount does not matter; weeks, months or even years) and maybe you get a referral.

7. Then you hear one of the members talking about you or saying something ugly behind your back.

Here comes that old ‘sinking feeling’ about yourself. It’s upsetting yet you are strong enough to stand up for yourself by saying something to yourself (or others if you are outspoken like me) like, “Well, this must not be the group for me.”

Logical choice and ultimately you leave, feelings bruised, and begin your search for the next women’s group.

“Oh, there’s one! I like the women so much,” thinking to yourself.

Here’s what happens next.

1.      You invest financially in this new group.

2.      You invest your time; have one on ones, and meetings each week.

3.      Time goes by (could be months, or even years) and maybe you get a client or two.

4.      Then you hear one of the members talking about you, or a friend, someone tells you.

5.      Sinking feeling; upsetting, “well, this must not be the group for me.”

I know how this feels. I did it myself for years, flowing from one group to another. Each one takes TIME (you never get back) and MONEY, and when you get that ‘sinking feeling’ that’s YOUR muscle of confidence you were building, DEFLATED again!

Three steps forward … and two steps back!!

In each case, you not only lose at least some of your upward MOMENTUM and your confidence … and your level of success literally atrophies and drops. Ugh.

And it goes on and on and on … until NOW!

WHY do women in business do this (scenario) to one another?

Answer: It’s automatic. It’s a HABIT because we’ve only been real business women en mass for three decades or so. Not only is breaking a habit a challenge; in most cases women are simply unaware of this.

You’ve heard this question asked countless times. I have developed a theory put into practice yielding extremely positive results by all standards.

HOW can we break this cycle of growing, stopping, searching, growing, stopping?

Answer: By simply becoming ‘aware’ of new information. We become wise through continuous learning.

What do women need to KNOW (that they didn’t know before this moment) t
hat would change this for us?

Answer: They have two ‘ways of being’ that conflict and it is easily managed.

No matter what women’s group you join, there will be at least that one woman who will undoubtedly deflate your confidence, which is a feeling of success (inadvertently or purposefully, neither of which matters).

Here it is: THE #1 reason for the Lack of Trust Among Women in Business Read more