10 Steps to Build Your “Muscle of Confidence”

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“Confidence is a muscle that grows in direct proportion to its use.”

Like any muscle, the use of (or practice) must be executed in consistent, spaced intervals over time. The same way we learned our multiplication tables. We didn’t practice on Mondays only. We did it every day until it became a habit. The ability to answer even to this day, what is seven times six is based on pure faith. It is so true no one could ever convince us the number wasn’t forty-two.

It’s the same way we train for a race or to be a concert pianist. It takes consistent practice (use) in spaced intervals over time. Not just Mondays. It’s the same way we learn to crawl, then walk. All in consistent and spaced intervals over time.

My grandson at 18 months was determined to get down two stairs into the playroom where his three older girl cousins were playing. Each week when the family came to my home for dinner he spent most of his time trying to get down those stairs. First he landed on his face multiple  times at the bottom of the stairs with lots of crying. So the next week we closed the door. He didn’t like that. The next week he blew past everyone and made a beeline to that door.

We opened it and turned him around on his tummy so he could slide down. He stood up and went down head first a few more times. The next week we let him walk down, gripping the back of his shirt so he would fall face first. Finally he made it down those stairs, holding the rail, all by himself!

He had a plan. He was willing. In fact he had to get down those stairs. Period. He was persistent. He was disciplined. And when he did it finally, he went up and down those two stairs a dozen more times without stopping. He achieved after practicing consistently week after week, until he could do it. The smile on his face reflected his ‘supreme confidence’ in navigating those stairs. He never fell head first again.

If you accept this premise for consideration that confidence is indeed a muscle that grows in direct proportion to its use, your first question may be “what is it that I must DO to consistently flex or exercise this ‘muscle of confidence’?” A good question. When we know what to do we can actually take action and do it. If of course we are willing.

The answer is simple. Achieve what you want in consistent spaced intervals over time. My grandson did. Every time we plan to achieve something we want, and then achieve it, and recognize that we have achieved it, we flex again our muscle of confidence. Confidence requires achievement by consistent practice to feed this muscle.

Note the word ‘plan’ above. Haphazard achievement (things you want that show up that you did not specifically plan) is not the kind of achievement that builds our muscle of confidence. It’s nice to have of course, yet not part of the process. It is in the specific planning, achievement, then acknowledging that achievement that is the process to flex and grow this muscle of confidence.

The best part of all of this that the size of achievement of what you want has no value. That’s right. It can be a big thing or a small thing; what matters is that you planned it, you did it, and you stopped a moment to recognize it.  If the size has no value, what is the next logical conclusion, you may be thinking.

Why doesn’t the size of the task  have value? Based on the Law of Relativity (universal law) nothing has any value until we compare it to something else. Or compare ourselves and our achievements with those of someone else! Our achievements, regardless of size have nothing to do with another’s achievements. Our confidence is unique to us and grows at the pace we set.

Next up … how do I get achievement ‘into’ my schedule several times a week? Another good question.

It’s also simple. But first, you must set a specific goal, let’s say for 90 days, and determine what you have to do each week to reach that goal (without leaving it to the end and painting yourself into a corner). What you have to do are the tasks that will move you toward your goal.

A point here is that we are never taught the benchmarks of achievement in school. The result is reaching goals haphazardly and by no means consistently over time. If you take a look at the January health club phenomenon … you know it … January you can’t get a machine and are tapping your foot waiting. February there are machines and people on either side of you to get to know. March everyone’s gone … until next January that is when they start the same goal over again.

If you set your goal based on the benchmarks below, you will not only have your best shot at achieving them (what you want), and, the tasks to reach it each week serve as muscle flexors for your muscle of confidence. With every task complete, you stop and say to yourself, wow, I did it, and … I was really good at it.

Call it a calf raise in your confidence.  You do it every day, not once in a while.

Ten Steps for setting and best shot at achievement include:

  1. Pick a goal that you want, not something you need.
  2. Your goal must motivate you into action.
  3. Choose a specific date by when you will achieve it.
  4. Be thrilled when you think about it … and sometimes scared too.
  5. You know the first few steps, but do not know all the steps to achieve it.
  6. Don’t tell others until you see signs that what you want is on its way to you.
  7. Determine how much money you need to achieve it.
  8. You don’t need $.10 to start your goal.
  9. Write down your goals.
  10. Start now, regardless of circumstances.

So there is a little learning to do to build your muscle of confidence. Learning is our ‘miracle grow’ … that is humans are happiest when we are learning! We grow in awareness as to our true and infinite potential. We can be do or have whatever we want as long as we don’t violate the rights of others.

The ability to manage our own schedule is likely the biggest challenge my clients have faced until that is I figured out why typical calendar programs do not work. They do not work because we often give up one of our personal calendar items (date night, movie night, etc.) for a client.

This is in direct conflict with the Law of Sacrifice which states we must give up something of lesser value to make room for something of greater value. When we give up personal time, that is actually giving up greater value and replacing it with something of lesser value. If we do this enough, we begin to build a feeling of growing resentment toward our business.

I have created this program Task Crusher: Your Visual Guide to Getting More Done in Less Time! so as you grow your muscle of confidence to be, do and have what you absolutely deserve, you are also feeling happy, healthy and wealthy in all ways.  Ask me about getting a copy for yourself by clicking here.


This article was written for November issue of womELLE Magazine.

 

 

3 Keys to Getting What You Want

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getting what you want


Are you clear how to get what you want? Do you know the keys to understanding what it takes to achieve your goals?

Key #1: The Truth About Time

“I wish I had more time!”

“If only there were 2 more hours in every day!”

“If I had just one extra day per week …!”

Sound familiar? I used to say that. But what I know now is that “we all have all the time there is – 24 hours!” No one has more or less than at amount.

“If I only had $5,000 I could do it!”

“I can’t do anything until I get more money.”

“I’ll spend on my family, but won’t spend on myself unless I get more money.”

Sound familiar? I used to say that. But what I know now is that “all successful people have these three keys in common that make them a success.”

And these people ‘start on their goal right now, regardless of circumstances.’

Key #2: The Value of New Information

  • Goals are wants, not needs.
  • Goals require you know the first steps, but not HOW you will achieve them.
  • Goals are about why.
  • Goals must include your plan to give back.
  • Goals must be written and include color, form, temperature, and emotion.
  • Goals are written and spoken in the 1st person – although they are already here.
  • Goals require time constraints – by when will you achieve them.
  • Goals are specific.

Time and money are beliefs, interfering with reaching goals, and must be put on the back burner when moving toward what we want. If we don’t, then we’ll come up with all sorts of excuses why we can’t do it … primarily not enough time and not enough money.

A goal can actually provide more time and manage your schedule effectively. How are you perceiving time and money?

When you have a specific goal, and think of it as your already having it and you have no clue how you are going to do it, and you want it more than anything, ask yourself this key question when an activity or appointment comes up:

If I do this, will it take me toward my goal or away from my goal? 

If it takes you toward your goal – DO IT; if it does not, don’t do it (at least not right now).

Only about 15% of people set goals (with roughly less than 5% ever reaching goals with consistency). So you can see how the belief that there ‘isn’t enough time’ exists and impacts most of us.

Consider yourself part of the few percent, should you choose to apply the few benchmarks for effective goal setting above. 

Key #3: You Don’t Have to Know How You’ll Get What You Want

getting what you wantIn fact, those who achieve do not know HOW they will achieve it. They do know Why they want it however. When it comes to money, when we really want something, something that makes our heart sing, something that we know in our heart of hearts is for us, the money always shows up! And it rarely shows up from the source we expected.

It’s the wanting and willingness and desire for the thing we want that has us step through our fears of doing the very things with which we are uncomfortable or unfamiliar, yet are required for achievement. If our desire for the things takes a back seat to the earning of revenue, the desire is not strong enough to keep us willing to keep stepping forward. It stops us from stepping out on Faith and doing it even when ‘we don’t know how.’
We stay motivated when we step through a fear, do it well, step through another one, and so on. The purpose of a goal is to motivate us into action. 

What we think, we eventually believe. What we believe sets us in motion (action). If we believe something wonderful (like a goal), our vibration (action) is high and we merrily move toward that goal. Our results, or our goal, is then manifested by natural law. Ideas are spiritual seeds available to all, but the person who ‘moves’ on that idea, gets to see it come to fruition!

To be part of the very few who achieve their goals, wants and dreams with momentum and consistency, simply take on these three keys.

1. We all have the same amount of time.

2. New information is the ‘miracle grow’ for motivating human beings.

3. Focus on why you want it and forget about how you will do it.


One powerful way to stay focused and to continue to move with persistence toward what you want, particularly for women in business, is to be part of a mastermind group.
I open seats every few months, and on Tuesday, July 11 we began a new Quarter.
Contact me via my website if you would like a conversation to learn more:
  leslie-flowers.com


Learning is the ‘Miracle Grow’ for our Mind

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“To Use or Not to Use the SMART Goal Model for Achievement,”
that is the question.

According to recent statistics, by now, almost everyone who started the New Year with a goal or resolution to make a positive change in their life, has lost steam and given up.

And giving up on our goals hurts us by preventing us from living the life we want and deserve. Setting and giving up on goals year after year (estimated 95% of us do this), diminishes our ‘muscle of confidence;’ confidence in ourselves, and confidence in the magic of our universe and its vast and secret laws, that allow us to influence how often we succeed in getting what we want.

“Confidence is a muscle that grows in direct proportion to its use.”

The truth is … when I ask seminar participants if they ever took a class on setting and achieving goals, barely a fraction raise their hand.

Not knowing how to achieve what we want consistently undermines our confidence as women, not only in our own ability to achieve our desires, but also our deserve-ability around having them.

What most of us DO know at least something about setting goals is centered on SMART goals. This old, misused model is great for daily or weekly tasks to reach the goal; however, it quickly and effectively flushes the life out of your big dream in record time.

Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-Bound. Specific, Measurable and Time-Bound, absolutely YES for big dreams and goals. Achievable and Realistic, however, are in direct conflict with the timeless, tried-and-true principles of achieving big goals and dreams consistently, over time.

While SMART goals serve as a poor model for setting big goals and dreams, we can learn from knowing how the model undermines achievement. The list below derived from the best and worst of this model, allows us to set and reach goals consistently, over time, thereby building our ‘muscle of confidence’ and getting to the life we want.

  1. Your goal must be clear and specific.
  2. You must be able to measure your results.
  3. You select an exact date by which you will achieve it.
  4. You don’t know all the steps to do it.
  5. It has to be big enough to keep you motivated.

Yes, there are more pillars. For now, this will launch you into finally setting goals that you will achieve! We are happiest when we are learning. Start today setting goals with these benchmarks and gain the confidence to have your “best shot at success!”

If this message resonates with you … come join a group of women on the Facebook Group One Woman’s Voice. We want to hear from you!